Life, Space and Relationships: How to Detox
By Alexa Santory
Earlier this week we discussed some ways we can detox our minds and bodies. Today in Beauty School, we’re gonna get real and talk about detoxing your life. That is: cutting off toxic relationships that no longer benefit you. Stress has a surprising number of negative effects on our bodies and can cause us to engage in behaviors that aren't necessarily good for us. If certain relationships are causing you stress, cutting out and cutting off those toxic people is the most effective way to reduce stress chemicals in your mind and body. Although toxicity of people is subjective, it's important to recognize the signs for yourself and what you need mentally and emotionally.
Here are some ways to recognize if someone is a toxic person
They give you a bad vibe right out of the gate. This doesn't always happen of course. Some people’s toxic behavior can start to come out once their more comfortable around you. But that gut feeling you get is usually really accurate, so follow it if it feels right.
They're very jealous and very judgemental. Friends are supposed to lift you up and be proud of your accomplishments, no matter how big or small. Someone who is toxic will make it their mission to put you down and make those accomplishments feel less important.
They’re just not empathetic. In any relationship, it's important to be receptive to the other person's feelings. Toxic people refuse to put themselves in the other person’s shoes and feel what they're feeling. That's just bad for business.
They manipulate people, especially people who trust them. They're also usually so good at being manipulative that the person on the receiving end doesn't even realize it till way later.
They love to flip the script and play victim. They'll place the blame on you in an argument and they blame their problems on other people, simply because they refuse to be wrong and hold themselves accountable.
They're liars (almost pathological). Lying about anything or anyone comes as easy to them as breathing. When you know you just cannot trust a person, it's time to reevaluate their place in your life.
Still not sure? Check this out.
Yes, cutting people out of your life can be hard. But there are certain situations when it's totally okay to be selfish with your feelings, especially if those feelings are being put down, hurt and manipulated by someone who claims to care about you.
How to cut a toxic person out of your life
- Always remember: you cannot change people. Especially those who have no interest in changing. So don't get caught up in trying to fix and change those who won't.
Set boundaries. If you find that you're constantly having to compromise yourself to please another person, just know that they probably aren't reciprocating that energy. Set boundaries to protect your time and energy.
- Be prepared for backlash. People you've formed a toxic bond with aren't exactly going to be happy that you no longer want them in your life. Just remember that rejection is a misplaced sense of entitlement. No one who doesn't deserve it is entitled to your time. Be firm in your decision.
Surround yourself with healthy, positive relationships. A strong support system can do wonders for your mental and emotional health. Surrounding yourself with people who genuinely care for you can help ease the pain that comes with ending any relationship, toxic or not.
You have one life to live on this earth. You never have to put up with and continue to accept people who lie to you, use you, put you down, and disrespect you. Clear the clutter inside and outside. It’s easier said than done, of course. But once it's done, that invisible weight will be lifted and you’ll feel lighter than ever. One thing I’ve realized is that there is no place in my life for people who don't really want to be there. And that's okay! Because at the end of the day, those who want to do right by you, will. Without question. It’s up to you to decide what you will and won't put up with in relationships.
Phew….that got heavy. But we have to talk about these things because you may be dealing with a toxic person without even knowing it.
Let's talk detoxing your space
A few years ago, a tiny book was seen on the window display of every bookstore. The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up: the Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo became a bit of phenomenon. The KonMari Method is “a way of life and state of mind that encourages cherishing the things that spark joy in people's lives.” It essentially tells us to declutter our spaces by only keeping the things that genuinely make us happy, while still being grateful for the things we’re getting rid of. The Method is meant to encourage mindfulness and optimism.
It’s become a very popular way to declutter your space and change your outlook and philosophy on life. It works on a rule by rule basis:
Rule 1: Commit yourself to really tidying your space. Time consuming, yes. And if you're anything like me, you find it to be more of a chore than anything. But start out by really sticking through until the end.
Rule 2: Imagine your ideal lifestyle. Think about how you want your life to look long after this process is over. Looks good, right?
Rule 3: Follow the right order. According to KonMari, this means clothes, books, papers, then “komono miscellany,” which are things like DVDs, CDs, kitchen items, decorations, etc.
Rule 4: Finish discarding before you move on. Make sure everything you want to get rid of is in its right place.
Rule 5: Tidy by category, not by room. That is, clothes with clothes, books with books, etc.
Rule 6: Ask yourself if an item sparks joy. Do you feel genuinely happy or excited about this item? If you do, keep it. If you don't, toss it.
This method is a more productive way of getting rid of all the extra stuff in your space that no longer serves a purpose in your life. It may sound like regular cleaning, but the overall takeaway of the method is that it's supposed to make you more grateful for the things you have and the things you're getting rid of. A greater sense of gratitude and optimism are ultimately what the KonMari Method hopes to help you achieve.
Check out how to clean your space with the Konmari method.
Bringing the outside, in. This is super beneficial to the air quality in your home. Typical cleaning products contain ingredients that are essentially toxic to humans, which would explain why we feel so lightheaded after a long day of cleaning. Some great detoxifying plants to keep in your home are aloe Vera (which has about a trillion other uses, too!), spider plants, Peace Lily, Gerbera daisies, and rubber plants. Not only do plants work to clean the air in your home, they also add life to a space! Having a few green friends in your living space can uplift your spirits and add beauty to your environment.
The Sill is an awesome site that delivers beautiful plants like this aloe right to your door! How cool?
Checking in on your relationships and organizing your space can do wonders for your mental health. It's so important to keep these areas of your life in check to maintain peace of mind and to live your best life. Life's too short to be unhappy!
We covered a lot of information this week. Don't worry, though. Tomorrow we got you with a recap.
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